This enormous gorilla of a woman was telling me how nice it was the seat between us was free, so she could stretch out. Then he arrived. A 40-year-old Japanese businessman with faded pinstripe trousers, wire-rimmed glasses and a interminable smile of pearls. He says all his thoughts out loud, to no one in particular, commenting on his actions as he performs them: “Okay so, yass, I’ll just putting the seat belt on” ... “Sorry but I will surely ask later if I can to have vegetarial meal” etc.
He announced his arrival with a big smile, gazing somewhere up ahead, and set about arranging his things in the aisle while the other passengers waited behind. Then paused to declare with a smile: “Yass, a sink a will needing toilet now”. When he got back he told the gorilla, who by now was rolling her eyes every time he spoke: “Am surely going to be in need of sick bag for travel sickness”. He was smiling as he said it. He called the cabin crew 3 times to ask pointless questions about his TV. He pulled my newspaper out from the seat pocket in front of me and started flicking through it, pretending to read. We still haven’t taken off. I’ve put my headphones on and refuse to make eye-contact with him, so as not to open the flood gates. The guy in front of him keeps turning around to complain about the banging. It’s the exaggerated gleeful humming that bothers me. I can hear it even with the music on. The gorilla’s more concerned about his bursts of high-pitch chuckling. When he gets going he doesn't really stop. He sighs a bit and exhales, then it starts up again, louder than before. I glanced over to see which movie he was watching. Still on the selection menu. Laughing his tits off. Now the film has started the laughter has redoubled. I think it’s a drama. Added to the giggling are small intense gestures that seem to mimic the actors’. He's totally engaged in that. He's on the screen. He believes he's the subject of someone's story. He claps and howls at the best jokes. It's a 6 hour flight.
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AuthorEnglish teacher from the UK. Living in Granada. Currently working in Doha. Archives
February 2022
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